Benjamin was still under anesthesia, meaning he couldn’t breathe on his own, so he was on a breathing tube all that night. While we were with him that evening, he started to sputter and turn red. The monitor alarm went off. The nurse put a tiny tube down his nostril to suction junk out of his throat but he was still red. Within about two minutes a respiratory doctor was there. The doctor acted calmly but moved quickly, and showed the nurse to suction further down. (She had been hesitant to get close to the surgical site in his throat.) After that he started ‘breathing’ again.
Jason looked at me and said quietly with a bit of a laugh, “I guess I’ll have to stay here all night.”
The doctor explained the problem to us before leaving Benjamin’s pod, then said, “You need to get some rest. I’ll be here all night,” he reassured us, “So you don’t have to be.”
My dad put it well in a group text later that evening:
As I went to sleep alone in the hospital room (a blessing in itself as we had not paid for a private room), I wanted to cry all night. I knew I had to sleep and couldn’t lose hope.
In times when I’ve felt completely alone, the only true, complete peace has come through Scripture.
I got out my phone and read through almost the entire book of 1 John until I came across 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear; because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” Ironic. The last time that verse stood out to me was when I first considered dating Jason. From all I could see God was pointing us in that direction but I was afraid of getting hurt. And now God brought it to my attention with our son. Another verse came to mind:
More recently I read Psalm 121:3-4 and it struck me – the God of the Universe is “up all night,” so I don’t have to be.
I went to sleep in peace, not knowing how Benjamin would do… but knowing our loving, trustworthy heavenly Father would guide us through it.